Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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