somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
