i need an iv and a liver transplant
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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