first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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