I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
