I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Randomize
