so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
