dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
