HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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