Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
