so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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