A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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