I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
