There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
