I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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