omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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