he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
