when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Randomize
