i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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