I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
