I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
