I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize