Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
two words...techno handjob
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
