just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
