We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
