Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
