Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
