Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
