Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
two words...techno handjob
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
If I had your ass I would rule the world
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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