went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
