Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
