Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
