She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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