I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
