shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
accomplished twins. life is a go
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
