I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
