You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
