Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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