"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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