You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
