The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
