my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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