Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
