My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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