meet me or not, i'm out of control
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
