I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
