he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
