he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
