trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
