im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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