Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
