I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
