weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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