the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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