i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
