Kiss
Puke
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
