no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
