absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
where am i from again
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
