we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
