you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
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